missing the old "me".

It's been a while . . .

Time does fly fast. It's been three months since I last made a blog entry. Lots of things have happened to me and my family. Ang dami nang "changes" na nangyari sa buhay ko sa loob ng tatlong buwan na hindi ako nakasulat ng entry sa blog na to. But in those months I've experienced a lot of things that I never thought I would ever encounter. Lots of ups and downs... and downs.

I was first hospitalized last May at Family Care hospital in San Pedro. I was there for only a couple of days, and then dad had me transferred at Asian Hospital and Medical Center. The doctors said my illness was: Typhoid Encephalitis. Maganda ung hospital tsaka malinis. I was confined there for a few days. It was my dad and sis who stayed with me.

We thought everything was fine when I went out of Asian hospital. I was even enrolled for this sem, kaya lang hindi ako nakakapasok nung June dahil nagkakasakit ako. I was too weak. Lagi lang ako nakahiga sa kwarto sa dorm when supposedly may klase kami. We went to my school, and eventually, my dad filed for my Leave of Absence.

I got hospitalized again. This time my family brought me to Manila Doctors Hospital. I stayed there for quite a while. I was sooo happy when my barkada and highschool friends visited me in the hospital. Ang dami ngang pictures eh. Ang haggard nga lang ng hitsura ko dun sa ibang pics.

And now, here I am. I stay at home everyday. Hindi ako lumalabas ng bahay. Everyday, I do the same thing. Gigising, watch tv, kakain, wash dishes, tulog, gising, watch tv... and do everything all over again. Ayaw ko ng ganito. I feel helpless at walang sense. I must admit, nahihirapan ako. Mahirap intindihin yung pakiramdam ko. I don't even know kung may improvement yung sarili ko. *sighs*

I wanna go back to school... pero di ko alam kung kaya ko na. Gusto ko gumraduate on time. Gusto ko maging kaklase yung mga friends ko. Gusto ko sila kasabay mag-aral, kasabay sa pamomroblema, kasabay sa pagpupuyat pag may exam. Gusto ko sila makita habang naglalakad sa daan. Gusto ko sila makasama sa buong college life ko. Gusto ko silang makasabay sa araw ng pagkuha ng diploma sa harap ng entablado.

How many times have I prayed na sana nananagip lang ako...
I still can't believe that I am where I am right now. *sigh*

I just wanna be "me" again.